Quiet Days and Lonely Nights

At the moment I don't have any idea of what to write, no reason, no motivation, just finding the initiative to do so...

I haven't been feeling much too well recently and I haven't been bothered to find a cure for it either. I just let it stay and feed on me until I guess, I feel like getting better. What's even more strange is that the weather has set it's own emotions to my side and has been as gloomy as I am. I went for a walk yesterday whilst the clouds blurred itself with smokey, grey skies and I didn't seem to feel better. Posting pictures online hasn't been making me feel better either. Although it does make me feel a little bit more positive. This information is probably useless to you so don't so I advise you not to read it. The only probable highlight for me is youtubing Mr. Eisenberg and I happened to stumble upon a depressing movie that had included him. He had a good point I must admit. I don't remember exactly what it was something along the lines of, things will happen because God knows it will. There is no such thing as hope, there's only what God knows. That got to me the most but then I saw round to it and realized that there is hope, it is up to us to make things right because we don't know what will happen, only God has foreseen what lies beyond for us.

So anyways, I felt sick and I was given a gift on my doorstep. A beautiful Betta fish of a striking blue and red descent. It was either a piece offering or just another way to torture me. That made me feel so much worse and my hate-level had risen incredibly hight that the only way of disposing of it was to cry. The other day I had never screemed and yelled so much in my whole life. I lashed out and I feel so terrible. The shockm got to me and I felt everyting melting away again. The thought of it is making me feel even more sick and I don't think that I had even done that to my parents. I am a respectful daughter and I have been brought up to be proper, in my manners, attitude and values. To be reminded this, I thought nothing except I was left wondering how people can create such sides to themselves that is rather distasteful and unappealing to myself and to others, yet not caring in the world of how nayone else feels just as long as they feel the best first.

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